The "I'm Still Waiting for You to Say Sorry" Archives

Disclaimer: I am aware that 'larcened' is not a word, but I like it so please just trust me on this one

When you found me crying in the stairwell

in my dorm on the 5th floor,

Missed my call on purpose
why do I deserve this?

love comes fast, but faded even faster, a beautiful disaster
it's not always easy being the one who got away

I'm glad you're happy in your undone web
on your throne of all the tears I've shed
never left a single curse unsaid 
where were you when I needed a friend?

I'm so sorry that I'm such a child
and that you left all of this mess behind
settled down and found a normal girl
one who could give you a boring world

late-night stalks on the internet
all-access blocked, but I digress
do you miss what you could've had?
do you wish that you'd come back?
Back to me? What a travesty
what a silly little waste of mediocre memories

if I'm so young at lovely 21,
why did I die in 2021?
and if I died a thousand years ago, how can I still be such a child?

Your name is like a punch from the past, 
a blow to the heart, I think I've relapsed
salt in the wound, salt in the streets
you still try to sugarcoat everything

you'll never know whose backseats I'm hiding from you in
all the alleys I've crawled and the taxis I've called
always running from my cardinal sin

and I defended you from every court in this town
thought I'd rather die than watch you go down
now you're basking in your larcened crowd
Is everything still as golden when I'm not around?

but if I seek happiness I lose all your midnight texts
every confession, unanswered question
every lyric is born from an obsession
every curse from unbridled aggression
every rug hiding the imperfections
every night a new intervention
and all the malice feigned as affection.

I've lived a hundred heartbreaks; each one a bigger mistake,
but you'll always take the cake for this one
a thousand different ways to say that you still hate
all the love that we made and how it'll never be undone

I'm not a friend to all, so I'm a friend to none 
alone in life, alone for fun
the only two souls in this lifetime to be awake at the same time
were your dreams just as exhilarating as mine?

Am I a harbinger of failed friendships and love, 

of wild fantasies and letters all torn up?
I carry guilt on my shoulders like it's my favorite chip

my inner voice is so hoarse from begging you to stay
the soles of my feet ache from running away
midnight golden hour, a meteor shower
"you looked so happy in the corner booth"
I was happier when you were there too. 

if I'm so young, why do I sound so old? 
I spent so long running from the sadness you branded into my skin
now I can't remember the happiness you fed my soul
and now I know, I'm never gonna love again

I can't change my past but I can still fuck up my future
Haven't seen the sunlight in over 6 days
Hunched over the sink in my dorm at Luther
Was coming back a good idea or the worst of my mistakes?